Fouling things up.

My fucking allergies are killing me. Damn Kansas ragweed. I feel as though I'm about to suffocate from all the mucus. I think I've figured out this whole "vow of silence" thing, as Rebecca sees it, anyway (if you don't know the ground rules you can brush up on them and read about our struggles to communicate at muteforamonth.blogspot.com). It isn't really a vow of silence, at least not with me.
Since she technically can't speak unless spoken to (unless to ask a question), she's not going to start up a conversation, rather, I'm *supposed* to give her permission to speak by asking questions and generally just filling the silence with my innane (sic?) chatter.
This is fucking ridiculous, and she wonders why I don't like it.
I don't like it that she feels like she has to go and take a vow of silence for a month to prove something to herself as a person. Yes, she talks a lot, and some self-control on her part would benefit her immensely. But everybody puts the proverbial foot in the mouth once in a while, and even though she increases her opportunities with her vociferous-ness, she's not any worse than anybody else. But whatever, she wants to do this vow of silence, she should treat it like a vow and stick to it. Nobody is putting a gun to her head to make her do this but her, and goddamnit, she should keep the promises she makes to her self (there will be an extensive post later on why I shouldn't be allowed to chastise ANYBODY, except for politicians, since I am, after all a journalist, about keeping promises, but that's a story for another time...)
So the way I see it, is being with me is supposed to be her free pass to be her normal, inquisitive self, and that's perfect since we spend the majority of our time together anyway... so it's technically not cheating if she's just talking with me, cooing supportively about how hard my day was, or such-and-such professor is an asshole, etc... Problem is, I don't feel like aiding and abetting her in this teensy, tiny loophole. Am I being a paranoid jerk? Maybe.

I hate the fact that she's so unhappy with herself she has to go to drastic extremes to try to "improve." I try and be supportive but Jesus Christ, this is ridiculous. YOU'RE OK REBECCA! Maybe everybody won't love you all the time, but I love you all the time, even when I'm being an asshole, I still love you. I'm just a jerk sometimes, independent of your actions (usually).

Yes, I understand that my behavior occasionally reinforces Rebecca's negative self image. I don't know what to do about that (and if you're screaming "Well, CHANGE" at your monitor, or thinking it in your head, it's not that simple). I've changed/grown up a lot since we started dating.

On a lighter note: The government has recently announced it keeps secret CIA prisons around the world (in blatant violation of the Constitution, among other laws) and that there was absolutely no connection between Saddam and Al Qaeda, which was the original "justification" for invading Iraq.

Since they already trotted out the JonBenet Ramsey quack to divert attention from their abysmal failures to aid Katrina victims one year after the disaster, my guess as to which famous unsolved mystery will finally be unraveled is... drumrolllllllll....


The Black Dahlia.

Think about it, there's a new movie about the same subject that comes out in a few weeks and it stars ScoJo (aka Scarlett Johannsen). If that's not a PR person's wet dream...

Ok, seriously though. In the unlikely event that this draws more than a minor whimper from the Left, or if the public somehow miraculously jolts awake, I predict we'll see those stories blown off the pages by some sort of space shuttle snafu. Anybody wanna place a wager on this? On second thought, maybe I've been reading too many of Stan's emails. To be continued.

Rent the movie "Brick" if you haven't yet, and if you want to read somebody who has a far more entertaining style than I do, check out Bill Simmons, The Sports Guy, at ESPN.com's page 2.